Zero: It had to happen sooner or later...
I just couldn't stop myself.... god help us all....
The Holy Gospel According to John (Moses Browning)
Author Unknown
1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was the pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.
2. And shouldst thou muck with it and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.
3. And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.
4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.
5. And lo, they did install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and loose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.
6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunction to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.
7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.
8. And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did function.
9. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.
10. But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and did proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.
11. And when man had been totally ensnared with plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-BOOM to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.
12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.
13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.
Amen
Select remarks taken from http://forums.1911forum.com/ and www.sightm1911.com
You know you love 1911s when...
- You hear "45" you think of a gun and not a record.
- 1911 was a good year even though you were not alive then.
- A 22 caliber hole just looks sad.
- When the words beaver and tail conjure up images of a 1911 accessory parts.
- You use a special cloth on your 1911 and it isn't allowed to touch other guns.
- you see the grain weight on a 9mm Luger and think: "Where's the other half of the bullet?"
- when u cant go a single day with out at least touching or looking at ur 1911, but its ok if u havent seen ur wife or girlfriend in a week.
- When you unconsciously hit the thumb safety every time you grab an every day object like a coffee cup or pencil.
- You Pause, Zoom, and Frame Advance your DVD movies during any scene with a 1911.
- You cringe when even a prop gun 1911 is dropped in a movie
- You root for the character good or bad that's carrying the 1911
- You're like old friends with a total stranger when you each ask to see a 1911 from behind the counter, while others are busy looking at the plastic, smaller caliber guns.
- you completely unload and reload all of your magazines every night before you go to bed, "just to make sure."
- "Browning" seems like a perfectly reasonable name for a baby girl.
- you stare at yourself in the mirror holding your pistol, just because it looks really cool.
- you stop in at your local gunshop at least once a week under the guise of chatting with the employees, but really you just want to see if they have any new Kimber, Springfield or Dan Wesson catalogs.
- you detail field-strip your pistol every day because it's "fun."
- You have several bookmarked websites with 1911 in the name.
- You consider yourself a "1911 missionary," trying to save the poor souls who don't yet own at least one 1911.
- When you point at something and your thumb is positioned to lay over the imaginary safety.
- When you'd rather carry an untested 1911 vs any other gun just because it's a 1911.
- You have jpegs of your 1911' s stored on your pc so you can send to the poeple that ask for them, and even those that dont.
- You want a bumpersticker that says "Friends don't let friends buy Glocks"
- Just thought of this, and I cant be the first; Just dial 1-911 in case of emergency.
- You throw the words "John Moses Browning" into every conversation with a Utah resident, assuming they'll know who you're talking about.
- On the 19th of every month at 11 o'clock, you have a moment of silence.
- Coming up with replies to this thread is too easy.
- You think "1911" each time you hear about ANY 45 caliber handgun
- You've got a folder named 1911 in your bookmarks.
- When the speed limit is 45 you set your cruise control to 45 out of respect.
- You take the day off in Rememberence of JMB's Birthday.
- You know you love you 1911, when you LITERALLY hold and sleep closer to your 1911 than your wife...
- ...you don't even own a 1911, but spend every night reading 1911 Forums, Sight 1911 articles and manufacturer web pages trying to figure out which is the best to get.
- You feel good with a seven round magazine because you know you only need one round
- you've reloaded 45 ACP for a 1911...which you don't yet own.
- when you name them (like I'm the only one thats done that).
- when they get their own shelf in the safe.
- when you go to shoot a glock and your thumb can't find the safety.
- when you were given your Dads 1911 he carried in WW II you refused to shoot it. Instead you only clean it. I was never in the military so I feel Ihave not earned the right to shoot it.
- when your wife asks you "how come you don't look at me like that anymore?"
- when your carry your H&K locked and cocked
- when you see a soldier carrying a 1911 and you say to yourself "why don't he clean that thing?!"
- when you see an old worn out 1911 in a pawnshop and you buy it becauseyou feel sorry for the old gal.
- you OWN other types of handguns, but do not discuss or display them.
- you believe that "Kimberly" is two letters too long.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I really have to take a moment here to thank the wonderful people @ http://forums.1911forum.com/ for helping me to realize that I'm not the only one who's like this (seriously, you should take a look at some of those guys). For awhile there I thought I was beginning to suffer from a strong neurotic disorder of some type. It's good to know I'm somewhat Ok... seriously... Thanx guys.
Cлава к Oтечеству!!!
"...one shot and the world gets smaller..."
[RTI] ZeroFunction
I just couldn't stop myself.... god help us all....
The Holy Gospel According to John (Moses Browning)
Author Unknown
1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was the pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.
2. And shouldst thou muck with it and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.
3. And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.
4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.
5. And lo, they did install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and loose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.
6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunction to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.
7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.
8. And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did function.
9. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.
10. But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and did proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.
11. And when man had been totally ensnared with plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-BOOM to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.
12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.
13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.
Amen
Select remarks taken from http://forums.1911forum.com/ and www.sightm1911.com
You know you love 1911s when...
- You hear "45" you think of a gun and not a record.
- 1911 was a good year even though you were not alive then.
- A 22 caliber hole just looks sad.
- When the words beaver and tail conjure up images of a 1911 accessory parts.
- You use a special cloth on your 1911 and it isn't allowed to touch other guns.
- you see the grain weight on a 9mm Luger and think: "Where's the other half of the bullet?"
- when u cant go a single day with out at least touching or looking at ur 1911, but its ok if u havent seen ur wife or girlfriend in a week.
- When you unconsciously hit the thumb safety every time you grab an every day object like a coffee cup or pencil.
- You Pause, Zoom, and Frame Advance your DVD movies during any scene with a 1911.
- You cringe when even a prop gun 1911 is dropped in a movie
- You root for the character good or bad that's carrying the 1911
- You're like old friends with a total stranger when you each ask to see a 1911 from behind the counter, while others are busy looking at the plastic, smaller caliber guns.
- you completely unload and reload all of your magazines every night before you go to bed, "just to make sure."
- "Browning" seems like a perfectly reasonable name for a baby girl.
- you stare at yourself in the mirror holding your pistol, just because it looks really cool.
- you stop in at your local gunshop at least once a week under the guise of chatting with the employees, but really you just want to see if they have any new Kimber, Springfield or Dan Wesson catalogs.
- you detail field-strip your pistol every day because it's "fun."
- You have several bookmarked websites with 1911 in the name.
- You consider yourself a "1911 missionary," trying to save the poor souls who don't yet own at least one 1911.
- When you point at something and your thumb is positioned to lay over the imaginary safety.
- When you'd rather carry an untested 1911 vs any other gun just because it's a 1911.
- You have jpegs of your 1911' s stored on your pc so you can send to the poeple that ask for them, and even those that dont.
- You want a bumpersticker that says "Friends don't let friends buy Glocks"
- Just thought of this, and I cant be the first; Just dial 1-911 in case of emergency.
- You throw the words "John Moses Browning" into every conversation with a Utah resident, assuming they'll know who you're talking about.
- On the 19th of every month at 11 o'clock, you have a moment of silence.
- Coming up with replies to this thread is too easy.
- You think "1911" each time you hear about ANY 45 caliber handgun
- You've got a folder named 1911 in your bookmarks.
- When the speed limit is 45 you set your cruise control to 45 out of respect.
- You take the day off in Rememberence of JMB's Birthday.
- You know you love you 1911, when you LITERALLY hold and sleep closer to your 1911 than your wife...
- ...you don't even own a 1911, but spend every night reading 1911 Forums, Sight 1911 articles and manufacturer web pages trying to figure out which is the best to get.
- You feel good with a seven round magazine because you know you only need one round
- you've reloaded 45 ACP for a 1911...which you don't yet own.
- when you name them (like I'm the only one thats done that).
- when they get their own shelf in the safe.
- when you go to shoot a glock and your thumb can't find the safety.
- when you were given your Dads 1911 he carried in WW II you refused to shoot it. Instead you only clean it. I was never in the military so I feel Ihave not earned the right to shoot it.
- when your wife asks you "how come you don't look at me like that anymore?"
- when your carry your H&K locked and cocked
- when you see a soldier carrying a 1911 and you say to yourself "why don't he clean that thing?!"
- when you see an old worn out 1911 in a pawnshop and you buy it becauseyou feel sorry for the old gal.
- you OWN other types of handguns, but do not discuss or display them.
- you believe that "Kimberly" is two letters too long.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I really have to take a moment here to thank the wonderful people @ http://forums.1911forum.com/ for helping me to realize that I'm not the only one who's like this (seriously, you should take a look at some of those guys). For awhile there I thought I was beginning to suffer from a strong neurotic disorder of some type. It's good to know I'm somewhat Ok... seriously... Thanx guys.
Cлава к Oтечеству!!!
"...one shot and the world gets smaller..."
[RTI] ZeroFunction
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